Correlation of Family as a system with the characteristics of a Controller.

Case – Correlation of Family as a system with the characteristics of a Controller.

In this section I will discuss about a very basic problem faced by most of us in India (I am not sure whether this problem exists in other parts of the world) and the best part of this problem promotes a multi billion dollar television industry in India.

The problem is “In India Mother in law (Sons mother) and daughter in law (Sons wife) doesn’t go hand in hand” which is colloquially best described in India as the “Classical tiff between Saas[Mother in Law] and Bahu [Daughter in Law]).

As I said it is a very common problem faced by families in India, there are lots of families who suffer heavily because of this problem and most of us face this problem. The beauty about this problem is it has been there for ages and it is a multi billion dollar industry as there are 100’s of television channels only focusing on this subject . The huge amount of TRPs gathered by these channels and serials show the ubiquity of the problem and its scale.

Now the basic question …. Why are we discussing the same out here?

The answer is there are some characteristics of controllers which creates this problem and the chances are if the people are aware of the fundamental problem, the probability of finding out a solution increases by a great factor.

Second this problem will also help people technically understand some huge social problems silently brewing up in the society and if it is understood and plugged , family as systems or a concept might soon get extinct from this world.

To understand this problem, we first need to understand that like a Project , a Family is a technical system as well where in Family as a system is supposed to give certain behaviors while the Family members are the structural components of this system who interact with each other so as to give these desired behaviors.

Like any well designed system for Family as a system also needs a Controllers as well to delivers its behaviors. But we also know for a system to work properly a system needs a single controller. We know a system with more than one controller is a perfect recipe for system failure.

The moment I discuss this most of my participants who are aware of these characteristics and it repercussions immediately jump and say “It is a problem of multiple controllers”. My participants are able to say this because they are aware of these principles,

Yes it is a problem of multiple controllers and hence most often family as a system fails.

Let me explain the same.

One fine day one of my mentors came to me and said “Hemant, Girls are the controllers of a system called as Family” … at that time I wasn’t married and hence I was not able to understand the same and accepted as a reality but kept thinking as to what is so special with girls that they landed up becoming controllers for a system called as Family? We will look into the reasons after sometime but before that lets us understand the problem It is indeed true females the controllers of a system called as family. Till I am not married my mother is the controller of my family and everything works fine, the day I get married there will be one more girl who will enter the system [Family] with the thought in mind that even she is the controller of this system [family] and that’s where we have a situation wherein we have a system with multiple controllers ie Mother in law and Daughter in law and hence the system is headed for a failure. Can you think … whose life should become a nightmare the moment there are multiple controllers within your family … of course the component [The guy] which gets controlled as he is not sure as to whose order he is supposed to take. If the son doesn’t take mothers orders and listens to his wife the mother gets offended while if he listens to his mother and not the wife gets offended.

Isn’t it a catch 22 situation. This is a real tricky problem. Technically speaking it is a problem of systems with multiple controllers and hence the system is destined to fail unless one of the controllers is willing to relinquish its control either completely or in a phased manner.

When I really thought as to how did women/females/girls land up becomes controllers for a system called as family , I got the answer to this some wherein the history.

I am not sure when did this start, where exactly it originated but historically Guys/Males are supposed to move outside the house/family to earn for their family. Now ask yourself if guys are moving outside the system called as family to earn for them, are they in the best or the natural position to control the system? How can the component who is external to system control the system in the best possible way? This is technically not the best solution. But family as a system needs a controller for it to function properly… so probably at that time girls/females/women took up the responsibility of acting as a controller of that family.

What we need to understand out here is that it is not that two women/girls fight with each other .. it is the two roles of controllers that fight with each other.

Let us consider a hypothetical case (Its no longer hypothetical) that now the girls start moving out while the guys stay inside the house/family and starts controlling. I can assure you that father and son will start fighting or father in law and son in law will start fighting.

If we have a project with two project managers , I can assure you both the managers will start fighting because of the nature of the role of the controllers.

Now let us look into the next big problem related to families.

As we know every system needs a controller for it to deliver its behavior and to function properly. Now let us consider a latest trend wherein both husband and wife have started moving out of the house/family to earn for the family forgetting a simple fact that while doing this they have left family as a system without controller or maids have started becoming the controllers of their families. Both of the above mentioned scenarios are suicidal and will lead the failure of family as a system. As family as a concept starts failing repeatedly over a period of time this concept will become extinct.

This will also help us understand an important trend … if we notice people from the west are very socially but they do not bother much about the family while in India the situation is every thing for the family hell with the society. What is the reason behind this trend?

The person cares for the immediate level of granularity for the people from the west , society is the immediate enclosing level of granularity and hence they care about the same while for a person in India the immediate level of granularity is family and hence they take care of it.

In a nutshell we need to understand if most of the people are able to understand the controller pattern along with its characteristics , they can understand a lot of problems scientifically and think about the solution as well.

Hemant Jha
Founder - VPlanSolutions
Researcher, Trainer